For me - now, a working woman, today is the first day of spring. Oh yes I have experienced the warmer rays of sunshine that come in through my classroom window and I have heard the cries of my students who beg to go outside and "have class" on such a beautiful and warm day. I am telling you - they are so engeniuous. They can find a million ways to convince me to have "class" outside. So I caved in and took them outside. It paid off. They were so appreciative, they complied with each of my assignments.  I love those kids!

Yet when I was sitting soaking up the rays, I was working, on task. Today I am going outside to experience my own version of "class outside." I know God is there- calling me to join Him- to teach me lessons as He always does when  I dig around in His glorious creation...

On a sadder note- I set about to write about new life. It may be the spring of the year, but in my life right now I am, along with some of my dear sisters,   experiencing dark days for you see the sisterhood of Proverbs 31 is growing up and with growth comes the aging of parents. We are losing the generation that gave us life and it is heart breaking, gut wrenching, buckets-full-of-tears sad. NOt only that- but our children are growing up and they are beginning to face the gut-wrenching stuff that comes with being adults. And our husbands are also aging - so are we. And with that comes challenges we would rather not have to deal with!

Oh how hard it is to watch the strong ones who rushed to our sides to pick us up- how difficult to watch them fade into nothingness, to watch them in pain, to see them suffer- especially when they did everything to keep us from having to experience the suffering life doles out. It is impossible to have the strength and the know how to wrap our feeble minds around "How do I comfort my daddy who just lost his wife,"  or "Do I drop everything and fly far away to help my parents understand medical care? or "Who will understand me and fill those wonder filled moments spent with mother when she is gone?" or "God give me strength! I am a mere human - I can't be everywhere, all things to all people. Can't you see I am exhausted?!?

We are grieving. My heart is heavy for my sisters and their families.

In my heart break I fall in my face and pray for mercy and compassion for a ray of hope and sunshine, yet I am reminded of an old old song I used to sing all the time

- Why does the sun go on shining?

   Why does the sea rush to shore?
   Don't they know it's the end of the world

-Why do the birds go on singing?
  Why do the stars glow above?
  Don't they know it's the end of the world
  It ended when I lost your love
-I wake up in the morning and I wonder  
 Why ev'rything is the same as it was
 I can't understand, no, I can't understand
 How life goes on the way it does!

-Why does my heart go on beating?
 Why do these eyes of mine cry?
  Don't they know it's the end of the world?
  It ended when you said goodbye

Now I know this song is about a frivoulous teenage puppy love broken romance - but I think it has huge implications for us adults as we face loss- indeed why, how can the world continue when the centers of our universe are removed?

It's hard!

For whatever it's worth- I am reminded of the incredibly insightful words my then 19 year old son spoke at my daddy's memorial - 10 years ago. He shared his experience with his pappy on the day his grandaddy died.

"Sitting with Pappy on the afternoon he walked into heaven was an honor. I sat by a man I loved and adored and watched as God perfected him. I was never closer to perfection than I was that afternoon. And how did that look. To the world Pappy might have appeared to be weak, feelble, stripped, and pathetic. I saw a totally dependant being, certainly not MY Pappy - not the strong man who had carried me on his back across pastures, not the life loving man who taught me to water ski, not the tought man who had disciplined me, not the wise and loving man who hugged me and told me the most wondeful stories. No I saw a shell of a man. But God saw a perfect man. For you see perfection in God's eyes is total dependance on Him. That was my Pappy - now prepared for eternity.

Will I miss Pappy?- Oh yes, but I wouldn't trade having watched God perfect him for anything. For now I know, before God takes us home, he has to take everything away from us so He can make us new!   

So I continue to pray for strength, mercy, comfort, peace... I pray that in the midst of these dark and sad times we would turn our eyes on Jesus and see his face-

Shine!