Welcome Back to the Continuation of Thursday’s Discussion

vballmom13 said... This is my first time on your blog. Your lesson today was really good. I can see that you have older children. My question for you is what kind of boundaries did you set for Xbox and the like? We have a 17 yr old son who
likes to spend alot of time on Xbox, many times before homework is done. It is hard for me to set boundaries on this because he is a really good student, isn't into drugs/alcohol, etc. So it is hard to decide if allowing him to spend 2 or
more hours a night on this is too much. Any suggestions??

Great question! These video games seem to present a challenge in most homes. Here are some of my ideas. Any one: Please feel free to jump in.

Obviously your son is making good decicions. I am sure it is because you set guidelines in place all along. You made it clear grades are important and making good moral choices are necessary. Now he is growing up; stepping out of the box That is so hard for us to accept. It was for me! I forever wanted to control my sons' lives.

Now to your question:
I don't believe rules can be reset once teens have acclimated to a routine, unless they prove that they cannot handle a little freedom. Your son, on the other hand, seems to have proven to have been faithful and honest in the big things – grades and choices. Fact is, he IS 17 - close to leaving home.

As our children grow into young adulthood, part of their responsibilities include time management. Obviously your guy would rather play before studying AND he is getting his work done - getting good grades. Seems he is managing his time. IF he keeps up his grades and continues to make good choices it seems his X BOX is simply a pastime, a hobby, and until he falls or fails, your job is to continue to encourage him just as you have in the past.

May be time to start letting go. In no time he will be away from home and you won't be there to tell him what to do.

I do feel your angst. We moms would rather our children spend time on the things we deem important, responsible, worthwhile, but if what they choose to do with their extra time doesn't please us all we can do is to make sure communication and relationship are in tact.

More important than anything for me is genuine communication and a good relationship.

I respect what my husband used to tell me, "What are you telling them right now that you haven't already told them? They have heard it. Let them choose. If they fail we will be here to pick them up before they leave home. Otherwise they will fail for the first time away from home and we won't be there for them."

I thought, "Oh how wise."

This question has opened the door for young moms to consider their future chioices. Do you have some thoughts for them?

Calling all young moms:

One thing for young moms to consider before ever allowing the technology that has the potential for division and addiction into the house is to clearly set up guidelines. That way you don't have to face going back and starting over. Let everyone agree to the rules, understand and accept that the parent has the final say. It is so important to be clear from the get go, otherwise children get mixed messages, leading to a lack of respect toward authority. Once their security blanket begins to unravell and they begin to flail in the midst of the unknown it becomes very difficult to rescue the situation.

In my blog I mention being a pro-active parent. That means looking ahead at the potentials and possibilities.

Before inviting video games - or any activity your children pine for- into your home, think ahead. Ask yourself “What are the potentials? What are the possibilities? Am I up for it?”

These are only my thoughts. I am sure others’ ideas are valuable and we would benefit hearing from you.

Any other questions?