About Me

Van Walton

Fun Facts about Van Walton

My favorite smell: The way the earth smells after it rains.

My favorite sound: The first notes of a grand symphony.

My favorite way to relax: Sitting anywhere outside - on my front porch, on my deck, or by the lake, early in the morning with my first cup of coffee.

My favorite birthday dessert: a Peach cobbler baked by my husband. He’s my fave chef!

I will not eat: Avocado. They turn my stomach into a volcano that never erupts.

Technology I couldn't live without and why: My laptop - it takes me anywhere I want to go.

One thing that makes me smile: My sons' faces!

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My Resources



My book, From the Pound to the Palace, is available for $10
from Proverbs 31 Ministries.


Pound to Palace


My book, Little Halos, is available for $5.99 from Proverbs
31 Ministries.


Little Halos


Proverbs 31 Ministries












Links




Sponsor a Child in Jesus Name with Compassion

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Friday, January 25, 2008

JUST FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK

BRODY"S STORY by Laura Boggess addresses the questions we all have about the affects of divorce on children.

Last summer at She Speaks, a speakers' writers', and women's ministry leaders' conference held by Proverbs 31 Ministries ( www.shespeaksconference.com) I met a wonderful lady. Well, come to think about it I met very many fascinating women. Laura was one of them. She was in my speaker's evaluation group and we immediately connected because we both love to read. We continue to stay in touch. Recently she sent me a copy of her book. I just finished it.

BRODY'S STORY is a contemporary fiction whose target audience is young teens. In this book, Laura shows her passion to touch the hearts of children who experience divorce. The main character in the story, Brody, is forced to move away from all she knows and holds dear - her friends and school - because her mother leaves her dad. The new home and neighborhood present Brody with uncomfortable feelings. She finds herself in compromised circumstances and finally retreats from the world. Eventually she convinces her mother to allow her to return to live with her dad. There she experiences a life of neglect, but she is happy being close to her long time friends.

One night she has a frightening experience with a man who brings her drunk dad home. Brody realizes she has no choice but to return to live with her mother who is now pregnant. Fortunately for Brody, she meets a Christian family who begins to take her to church, pointing her toward a life of purpose even though she still struggles with her parents' choices.

I believe any young teen who has experienced life inside separation and divorce would find escape and hope in this book, written to give comfort and support to those making the unhappy journey to a newly defined family.

After reading the story I decided to do some of my own research. I cannot speak from experience - not from the point of view of divorce. I can say, however, that I am forever grateful that I lived my entire life with two parents who stayed together and put their differences aside for the sake of family and the well being of the children. I committed to do the same when I married.

Divorce is a reality. Today on the Oprah Show several people joined Oprah to discuss the affects of divorce. Divorce expert M. Gary Neuman says this about divorce and remarriage, "Second marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages."

My research taught me this:

There is "no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married."

"Even unhappy spouses who had divorced and remarried were no happier on average than those who stayed married. 'Staying married is not just for the children’s sake. Some divorce is necessary, but results like these suggest the benefits of divorce have been oversold,' says Linda J. Waite."

"...while eliminating some stresses and sources of potential harm, divorce may create others as well. "

So I think to myself, "Divorce is not a solution, just a trade off for different problems."

http://www.americanvalues.org/html/r-unhappy_ii.html
DOES DIVORCE MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY?


The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study, published in 2000 reports the following:

"...we learn that children really aren’t “resilient” and that divorce leaves children to struggle for a life-time with the residue of a decision their parents made. "

According to Ms. Wallerstein, “If the truth be told, and if we are able to face it, the history of divorce in our society is replete with unwarranted assumptions that adults have made about children simply because such assumptions are congenial to adult needs and wishes. The myths that continue to guide our divorce policies and politics today stem from these direct attitudes.”

"In other words we have become a society of adults who put their own needs and happiness before the emotional well-being of their children and justify it all by buying into the myth that children are resilient or time heals all wounds."

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childrenanddivorce/p/childrenmyths.htm

In addition to having read Brody's Story I was given the opportunity to become acquainted with musicforthesoul.org where I chose "Fifty Years From Now." I encourage you to invest in a copy. It will change the way you think about your marriage. You might want to purcahse several to give away as gifts of encouragement to friends whose marriages are struggling. I am more committed now than ever to walk with my man "'til death do us part."

I believe one of the saddest quotes I have personally heard surrounding divorce is this one spoken in hindsight: "I wish we had invested the money we spend on lawyers in counseling. The hours we spent grinding out our divorce could have been better served in counselors' offices. Today we have nothing but heartache and empty bank accounts. I am no happier. My children are suffering. I am financially strapped. Even if we had spent all our money on fixing our marriage we would at least have an intact family."


FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW
Words & Music by John Mandeville, Steve Siler, &
Bill Ebert

What do you do when the fire's gone
and passion
fades away
Just being together used to be enough
But now what?
How
do we feel what we used to feel
Can we learn how to care
when it seems
such a long way back from here to there
Right now it feels like it would be
easier
To give up and give in, but

Fifty years from now
What will we remember?
Fifty years from now
What will we have to
treasure?
If we walk away from this
What will we have missed?
Fifty
years, Fifty years from now

Dance recitals and T- ball games
The simple joys of the day
Will we let the best of life
just pass us
by
Graduations and wedding days
Grandkids up on our knees
Will we
make a huge mistake or memories?
Do we just throw away what we started
Missing us, missing out

CHORUS

God gave us this
love
We need to see it through
The moment's ours
The choice is up to
me and you

3 comments:

Laura said...

Van,
Thank you so much for featuring my book in your post! Your information on the sad facts of divorce illustrate the tragedy of this sad trend. With the divorce rate at about 50 percent for nearly a decade now, most children will either experience it or know someone who does. Unfortunately, outcome studies of children of divorce do not address the more subtle consequences that these children experience. I'm reading a wonderful book right now on that very issue, called Between Two Worlds, by Elizabeth Marquardt, Ph.D. I recommend this book to anyone who has been affected by divorce, especially parents who may be considering ending their marriage today. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share about an issue close to my heart. Anyone who is interested in more information about the book, please visit my website at: lauraboggess.homestead.com
Thanks and blessings!

Mariel said...

Van~
I came to your blog through a link on Laura's blog...I really enjoy her blog!

But I have definately found a great spot here, too!!

Regarding this post...I could not agree with you more...as the child of divorce (x3), I can tell you the effects are NOT positive! But I can also attest to the goodness of my God! Had I not come from such generational sin and from such a dysfunctional home, I would not have searched for Jesus in the midst of the first year of my own quickly spiraling marriage. My sweet Jesus used the very thing I hated to pull me to Himself and save me, my dear husband, my marriage...and recently my own parents (who are now back together!!!)

So, I praise Him for always being faithful to bring beauty from ashes and mourning to joy. He is good like that!!

Sorry for rambling...I have enjoyed your blog and will return soon!!
Blessings, mariel
growingingodliness.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Van - thank you for your thoughts and research for responding to this topic of divorce. So relevant and real - and shatters the rationalized we try to give.

I also loved seeing the beautiful children and the stories about them reading your book - precious - melanie