(gotta shovel through my life before the book review - but there is a connection)

I have taken a week off from blogging. First week in January I dealt with the death of my son's classmate - not a natural death. (read the previous blog) Then I had to deal with my son's return to college after having him home for nearly a month. I did not want him to go back!! I still don't want him gone! I love having him around. He is such a great kid. As he made noise about returning I hid my head in the sand. Then under my very nose I watched from my office as he went back in front, up and down the stairs, like a giant ant, with arms full of duffle bags and laundry baskets (he packs in laundry baskets that way he doesn't have to transfer clothes to drawers- pretty smart). I sat with my computer in my lap, surrounded by books - in denial. Is he really going back to school? Then he slowly entered the room. "Well, mom. It was a great Christmas. I had fun. Thanks for making it special." He looked down at his feet, held out his arms, and shuffled toward me. "I guess, ummmm, bye."

Oh how I tried to be a beautiful and dignified composed mother. It did not work! I stood up and told him I would walk him to the car. I tried really hard to keep the tears at bay. "Down. Back" I kept commanding. The tears didn't hear. They wanted to explode. "Oh no! " I whispered to myself as I followed him down the stairs. Being surrounded by boys, I know how they hate tears and emotion.

He stepped into the family room to tell his dad good-bye. They hugged, shook hands, and that was it! How can that be. No emotion. "Have a good semester. See ya." His dad was turning around already. Life goes on...

Benjamin stepped down into the garage. I put my hand on his shoulder. I asked if I could pray for him. "Sure mom."

I prayed through the tears. I had to stop a few times, get my breath, fight sobs... oh well maybe he will have a little patience with his future wife when she cries. He was patient with me. "...Father, please don't ever let him forget how much we love him. Carry him through the next few months. Be his daddy. We are not there for him. We trust You to watch over him in Jesus' Name, Amen." I squeezed his great big shoulders.

"Thanks Mom. I love you." He was off.........

I went upstairs to my office and sobbed!

OK on to the book review: Another book I listened to...

( I highly recommend checking out books on CD when your family travels. It is a great way to pass the time and bring the family together for good conversation when you stop at the road side picnic area or sit in Chic fil A or Arbys on your way to Disney or sports' tournaments or grandmother's.)

was A QUIET STRENGTH by Tony Dungy. What I found amazing over my Christmas break was that I listened to his story which included the sad sad tale of his 19 year old son who took his own life during the holidays a couple of years ago. My younger son is 19 and his friend who died two weeks ago (took his own life - read previous post) was also 19. It is scary for parents these days. Parenting NEVER comes to an end! We can never stop praying for our children.

I grew to admire Coach Dungy - even though I am not much of a sports fan ( I know. I have boys and they are LOVERS of sports. I guess I am too cynical about sports and all the hype.) I appreciate the fact that he is a committed Christian and is not ashamed, nor is he afraid to stand up for his faith. We need more Christian men in leadership. He is also a family man and a strong husband who leads by example. I enjoyed his stories about coaches' children on the playing field, in the offices, and on trips. Our children need to be with their parents. They don't have many positive role models. I appreciate that this man makes the point - include the children.

If you check out his web site you can hear why he wrote the book - quiet strength is what it takes to get through life's trials. It is the strength we get from God, from the inside where He dwells - the strength that builds our character.

Mr. Dungy, thank you for your testimony. It gives me hope to know that you are leading young men toward a purposeful future. May God continue to give you strength and may your strength motivate the young men in your circle of influence to make good decisions and pave the way for the next generation.

I pray my Benjamin find a mentor like you, a godly man on his college campus, someone with quiet strength and dignity who will motivate my child to focus on the eternal and not the temporal.

God bless you, Coach Dungy